The Inner Path

Unspoken messages

Annette Burrell — Sun, 23 Apr 2023 09:17:51 +0000

The unspoken messages and the emotional climate in your home affected you as a child.

Especially if there was a lot of criticism, a lot of judgement and a lack of emotional warmth.

Can you relate? I can.

Maybe the unspoken messages seemed to be about you being a nuisance. Maybe you were told off for speaking or laughing or being loud. Maybe the unspoken messages seemed to be that you were stupid, or not valued, or not worthy, or not loved.

Maybe you couldn’t seem to be “good” enough which internalized to you believing that you were not good enough.

Your parents did the very best that they could. Afterall, they had their own internal beliefs and effects of trauma from their childhood influencing and affecting them as parents. They would not have known that those unspoken messages were being passed on to you. They would not have wanted those unspoken messages to be passed on to you.

We didn’t understand any of this as children, we didn’t have the mental powers to even be aware of what was happening internally. We were young and immature. (But in hind sight, we get it.)

Trouble is, this stuff gets stuck inside and affects you as an adult.

It might show up as negative thoughts and self-judgement. Or judging others. Or needing to show that we know stuff to get approval. Or behaviours to get attention – super helpful? Or not feeling emotions.

Often as young adults we get very busy and don’t take too much notice.

And then as we get a bit older, something starts bothering us.
Maybe we are not clear on what it is.

Sometimes it shows up in physical illnesses.

Sometimes it’s a feeling of being lost.

Sometimes its depression and anxiety.

We need support to get to the root of this. We need to get to the subconscious patterns and beliefs. Book a free chat to ask if I can help

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How to be really happy.

Annette Burrell — Wed, 12 Apr 2023 04:52:18 +0000

Where is the root of happiness?

Have you found it?

Pleasure and happiness can be found in many every day happenings…….sitting in the spa pool, having a massage, winning Lotto, getting a new car (this one is me), feeling loved, watching a sunset. And these are all wonderful.

But it doesn’t last. And it’s not stable. It’s short lived.

We all want to be happy. Really……………don’t you?

We chase it in all sorts of ways. We work hard at life in order to get it.

Though it is possible to want to be unhappy and addicted to unhappiness. Simply because it is familiar. And because it’s familiar it can even feel safe. It’s been there for so long that it’s a known and anything else is unknown. The unknown can be scary. What is happiness anyway? When you try to define it, what is it?

True happiness is our true nature. Spiritual teachers tell us this.

It is rooted inside us. It’s deep inside. It’s a state that is constant.

We become aware of it when we are kind to ourselves.

We become aware of it when we stop trying to make it happen. It’s happens when we stop………….the judgements, the trying to be right, the figuring out stuff, the trying to fix things, getting to the goals.

We usually need support to stop all that crap. Because the mind is so strong and so determined.

But support is here. Getting to the subconscious is the key. Mind power and mindset can work for a while but then it slips back into the same old patterns.

So I invite you to be in touch and find out how I can support you to release what is held in the subconscious.

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Do you want more knowledge?

Annette Burrell — Sat, 01 Apr 2023 04:28:30 +0000

I’m sure you know lots more than me.

I’m sure you have much more knowledge than me.

And I do know that keeping up to date with knowledge for your job is important. Though, maybe not all jobs. I have recently been teaching English to International Students again. I didn’t need to read more articles or research to do the job. However, I did need to observe and learn from them, so that I would know what to help them learn. This is not acquiring knowledge. This is experiential and being present.

The thing is, I gave up trying to acquire more knowledge a while ago. (“trying to acquire” are the important words here. I’m not against knowledge itself)

I jumped off that ever expanding and uncertain escalator.

The stuff on the escalator keeps changing. And I just got in a mess trying to figure out what I needed to know.
The mess got so big that I suddenly stopped……….. and asked: What is it all for? Where does it get me?
Stopping was magical……………..because I dropped inside, into a mystery that the mind couldn’t explain.
Into a depth of stillness and silence that is always constant.

I discovered that everything that is worthwhile knowing is inside me.

Which, by the way, doesn’t mean that I’m still and silent on the outside. Life is still for living. I’m human afterall. So emotions come and go. Doubty thoughts come and go. Articles get read. Learning happens. Without the drive to acquire knowledge. Without the need to know I know.

And still the silence remains. So good.

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Is it Yes or No?

Annette Burrell — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 03:48:56 +0000

I want to remind you to trust yourself, when making decisions.

Often we think we can’t trust ourselves. The mind gets in tangle trying to work out the best thing to do.
We really want to do the right thing. Maybe because we don’t want to get it wrong or someone might judge us. Or we will judge ourselves (voice in the head – who’s voice, I wonder?)

Our minds can get busy trying to work it all out. What are the consequences of this action……………or that action? What does it mean about me if I do that? Am I responsible if I do that? And so on……………………….

How can you possibly trust yourself if you have all that going on in your head?

Try an experiment. Sit still, close your eyes, take 3 slow breathes in and out, sinking deeper on each out breathe.
Now remember a time when you had a clear YES to doing something. This is not thinking about the time, but remembering how it felt in your body. Maybe there is a visual memory appearing – could be fleeting. There might even be other sensory parts to the memory, like smell or taste or hearing. And it’s okay if there is not. Take time to be still and allow the time to arise.

After that, ask again………..and again………..until you have 3 memories of times when you had a clear YES and no tangle of thoughts of pros and cons.

This is trustworthy.

Try the same experiment with a clear NO. It could be something quite small, like a food you don’t want. And I say this, because some of us find it harder to remember the NO. We get in our head trying to remember, when if we give ourselves a few moments the memories will come. Give yourself time.
And again, allow another memory to arise. How does it feel in your body? In your being?

How did it feel when you were clear about your decision. Isn’t it so good?

This is trustworthy. I’m sure it has happened many times for you. You probably don’t remember all the times.
Reminding yourself can mean that you can relax, knowing there have been times when the decision was clear, without the tangle of thinking.

Sometimes, we realize that the decision was clear and yet, still we go into thinking trying to back it up with reasoning.

How about just stopping. Stay with the clarity.

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Are you missing out?

Annette Burrell — Sun, 29 Jan 2023 02:12:56 +0000

Are you missing out on happiness and fulfilment?

You will be if you are in your head thinking all the time.

Do you notice that your thoughts can be swirling and frustration can be growing when you have a problem to solve?

Do you notice that your thoughts can go to the worst possible scenario when a little thing triggers you?

Do you notice that you are replaying a conversation? Trying to find what was good or what was not good?

Do you notice your thoughts rehearsing the future situation, trying to know the best thing to say and do.

In our western society we place so much importance on our intelligence – our brain intelligence. We do the research. We think about options. We weigh them up. We get in a tangle of thoughts. We get frustrated. We get angry.

Do we feel angry or do we get angry? There is a difference, you know. If we feel angry there is an energy in our body. If we get angry then we respond with anger. Feeling the energy in our body can give us the direction, the motivation and the strength to pursue what is clear for us. There is a clarity. If we get angry then the energy just bursts out everywhere with no good result.

What if there is another intelligence that you can open into. A deeper one. Because really, our brain just can’t do the job all the time.

This intelligence is deeper than our gut feeling or even intuition. I know some people who follow their gut feeling or their intuition and believe that is truth, but I suspect it’s still a set up from our early conditioning. It’s still grown from the beliefs about ourselves that were established when young – all to keep us safe.

So you might ask: how to get to this deep intelligence?

Through inquiry. Developing awareness of the thinking and emotional patterns that are running your life. Taking time to do nothing. Giving yourself space. Having support to experience your inner self.

Need help with this? Let me know.

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How many thoughts do you think each day?

Annette Burrell — Sun, 08 Jan 2023 00:53:23 +0000

Want to guess?

100? 1,000? 10,000? or more?

How about between 12,000 and 80,000. Goodness knows how they counted them. Surely would be harder than counting sheep!

This is according to a National Science Foundation article that summarized some research in 2005.

Not only that but 80% are negative. How does that sit with you?

And 95% are the same thoughts we had the day before. We are on repeat!

There has been more recent research (2020) which used brain imaging scans over a short time and then multiplied the number to get a total for a day. This study came up with 6,200 thoughts a day. Even that is a huge number.

I find it hard to believe that I think that many thoughts during a day. I know that my thinking is pretty continuous but that many! Really?

How about you? How many thoughts do you think?

Those negative ones. The thoughts we would sooner do without – it’s a survival thing, mostly. There is a usefulness to them because they are making us alert to possible dangers. And in this more civilized world, the dangers are still constant though of a different nature to more primitive life. These days, the dangers are more likely to be connected to our unconscious patterns that we established when young. To do with people.

We all want to feel safe. And loved. And comfortable. The negative thoughts are often trying to keep us safe. To prepare for all outcomes. To avoid negative emotions. To not repeat the past. To rehearse the future.

Somewhere, deep inside us is an essential safety. We all have this. It’s deep inside.

It would be so nice to be aware of this at all times.

Is this something you would lke support to investigate?

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How fiercely do you judge yourself?

Annette Burrell — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 23:29:56 +0000

Can you ever just accept yourself as you are? Or is this too big a thing?

What about just accept parts of you?

Actually, why not find the parts of you that you don’t judge negatively? Can you do that?

We get so hooked into the negative that we can easily overlook the parts that work well. And maybe there are lots of times where you didn’t judge yourself at all. Maybe there are times when you judge yourself positively. Wow, yes, maybe and then you didn’t hardly notice! Did you? Well, I didn’t, that’s for sure.

I’m not sure about this talk of parts of you. But it does feel like that sometimes, doesn’t it? It’s easier to think about different parts – parts of the body, parts of the mind. Bit like it’s easier to think about us each as a part of the world, our own little part, whereas really – are we separate?

Anyway, back to judgement.

There is likely to be a positive intention to this judging. Like trying to get accepted, trying to improve, trying to be better, trying to be loved, trying to be good. These are patterns that were set up when we were young, with the good intention, the way to cope. Maybe you remember, going into thinking and trying to work out…………………how to get away from an uncomfortable emotion!!

I can remember when I was 6 or 7 years old, lying in bed, trying to work out how to be good. It felt so uncomfortable to be around anger and it was totally impossible to know what I felt. Because emotions were not talked about or acknowledged. It was all about pleasing my parents, because I needed them to survive. I couldn’t survive on my own, so somehow I had to play the part (oops, that word again) that I perceived that they needed me to.
This was absolutely nothing about me being authentic and being myself.
Nothing about accepting how I felt.
Nothing about accepting myself as I was.
And all this led to self-judgement.
Having an inner critic which tried so hard to guide me to be good. (define good if you can!)

What about you?

Do you judge yourself? Negatively? Positively? Can you see the positive intention of of the inner critic?
Want to look in more detail into the pattern – like circumstances, thoughts, emotions, body sensations – all connected in the pattern?
If you do – lets talk.

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The Gift of Covid

Annette Burrell — Fri, 09 Dec 2022 04:17:41 +0000

What, there is a gift?? Really!!

The gift, to put in simple terms was in stopping and resting.

I don’t know whether you were able to stop and rest. Maybe there were straight forward reason why you couldn’t.

Alternatively, maybe you didn’t let yourself stop and rest. Maybe you put it on yourself to continue the usual chores.

Maybe there was some old drivers inside you that wouldn’t let you rest.

Or even let others help you by getting your groceries! Or doing the chores.
Where was the line for you – the line where on one side you would accept help or even ask for help, and on the other side, you wouldn’t. How would it feel, to need even more help?

Stopping and resting was real for me. As soon as I realized that I needed to stay home for 7 days, I felt relief. Strange, because I go out most days to things I enjoy. And here I was, feeling relief to be able to stay home. Couldn’t figure that out. And didn’t need to.

I discovered that I was very comfortable lazing around. Sitting watching the rain. Listening to the birds. Enjoying the greenery. Feeling the sun on my legs. A little knitting. A little computering. Enjoying my house and the view of my garden and the large trees. Making easy meals though I didn’t feel like eating much during the first few days. Being aware of my body. Lazily thinking in no particular direction. Feeling even more tired if I didn’t sleep well at night. Nothing much I had to do.
How are you when you have nothing much to do? Can you even imagine it?

Sometimes our body just needs to rest.

Sometimes we need to slow down and allow all parts of us to rest.

To not know what’s going to happen out there, if we don’t show up out there.

To just be here. With yourself.

If this was difficult for you maybe there is something here to inquire into. To come to terms with. Or change. Book a time to chat and see if I can help with this.

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What happens when someone says something that hurts you.

Annette Burrell — Sat, 12 Nov 2022 22:52:35 +0000

It happened to me a while ago. Twice!

And what did I do? I froze. It felt like a shock. And I didn’t respond how I would have liked to. It felt like my brain closed off.

Which is actually a classic trauma response – the words felt like a shock – they threatened my safety – not physically but internally. A thing from the past.

They threatened connection with that person.

And my cognition went offline.

Three steps in this trauma response – safety threatened, connection threatened and then mind not working. It happens in an instant.

Though not long afterwards my mind went haywire with trying to work out why that person would say that and what they actually meant and many other thoughts. Too late to question then.

What happens to you in this situation?

Maybe you have a different response. It could be an immediate verbal retaliation. It could be a calm measured question. What else?

I would have liked to question the person about what they meant and why they thought that. Calmly.

But at the time, the best thing to do is to actually look after oneself by calming the nervous system response. Calm the shock.

Here’s how:

1. Breath a long breathe out. Don’t try and breath in – the chest is now tight and you can’t force air into a tight chest. Breath all the way out, as far as you can and then in breathe will take care of itself.

2. Apply pressure to your body somewhere discretely. Maybe a hand on your thigh. Activating a thigh muscle directly calms the nervous system.

Either of these deals with what is happening in your body. Then the brain might start working and you can respond.

I’d be interested in hearing how it works for you.

You may like to practice in a less threatening situation so it becomes more likely that you do this when it’s really needed.

Need help or support – book a free chat or download my free e-book.

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A lesson on a sacred mountain

Annette Burrell — Sun, 30 Oct 2022 03:42:54 +0000

Once upon a time, several years ago, I wanted to get to the top of a mountain.

It was a sacred mountain in a very hot country. Made sacred because Sri Ramana Maharshi had an awakening or enlightenment there and sat for many years to 2 different caves.

And maybe it was sacred before that.

So a group of us set out quite early in the morning to try and miss most of the heat.

There is a path up as far as the caves – maybe a quarter of the way up – but then its steep, with bushes, long grasses, huge rocks and very few trees. Views down to the temple and the city. As we got higher the views were less clear because the air was hazy.

I found it harder and harder, slower and slower, hotter and hotter.

It felt like the mountain was testing me and I wondered whether i would make it to the top. But then, thinking stopped. And it was like time stopped. And I could only be in that moment – there was no future moment. I could only be in that moment – hot, sweating, focused on lifting my foot and finding a place to put it.

The lesson I learned on this mountain on this occasion was a strong one – focus deeply on this moment, on this step. There was nothing else. No future. No time.

We often say to people to do one step at a time as a way to encourage people. The notion of one step at a time implies that there is a future moment and it will lead somewhere. But we don’t know!

It is even more powerful to stay fully in the moment with no thinking that its going to get somewhere. To just be here now, as you are.

The time in this step/moment feels like it expands. (Well, who knows when a moment starts and ends anyway?)

Because actually we don’t know if there is another step ahead of this one.
We don’t know what is in the next moment. Even though we would like to know and often spend much time planning and preparing.

So just live this step, this moment. Live it fully.

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